It’s hard to say what I was so afraid of. It’s hard to imagine what I was so afraid of. I was five hours’ drive from home, with one of my oldest friends, in a smallish room, with pictures lining the walls, and friendly people sitting at tables. We were sharing a bottle of wine, white wine, that we had brought with us. My friend smiled confidently at the master of ceremonies. She knew him well. “Ah, no” she smiled, in answer to his question. “I’m not reading tonight…
But my friend is“.
So perhaps I was afraid that nobody would listen. That they wouldn’t like my stuff. That they would realise I’m not a poet at all, I’m an imposter. The wine tasted sour in my mouth and I struggled to concentrate on what anyone else was reading. When I was asked to stand, I winced, but I went for it. I opened my mouth, and listened to the words spilling out:
“I used to think that poetry had to be about something big and important, but now I find I mostly write about rooks…”
And off I went.
the wild bird flies free
sunlight breaks through rolling clouds
a flower opens
Toni at dVerse has asked us to write a haibun about overcoming a fear. I did my first poetry reading last week, while staying with a friend who is a confident and seasoned poet and performer. It was terrifying, and then it stopped being terrifying and was great! I had committed myself to doing a reading this year. I might even do more…
Sarah writes poems 
Bully for you! Having mastered your fear, you’ll enjoy future reads. I love the freedom expressed in your haiku.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! Yes, I’m hoping that now I’ve dipped my toe in I’ll be able to carry on 😊
LikeLike
I admire your guts, Sarah. I don’t think I’ll ever be up to it. I even hate skype.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It was OK. It really was, once I got the first poem out of the way. It’s the imposter thing that gets me. I’ve always assumed I’ll grow out of it, but it doesn’t look like it will happen any time soon…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha! The imposter, that’s it exactly. If anyone came into the room and said ‘Hello, poet,” I’d be looking around for the person they were talking to.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yowser! Nothing trivial about this fear…but you did it! Good for you! I remember the first time I “read” my poetry and I was afraid someone would stand up and shout, how dare your read my poem or something equally foolish. the haiku was so full of freedom and joy that I must say, I love that you write about rooks….
LikeLike
Congrats on your 1st reading! I identify with every one of your fears here. You are certainly no imposter. 😉
LikeLike
I usually feel I’m an impostor as well, but then I realize everyone else feels the same way.
LikeLike
Good for you, Sarah! I’ve given presentations (terrifying), but I haven’t done a poetry reading.
LikeLike
I think we feel so “exposed” when we have to stand alone in front of people and present something of ourselves. I think many of us feel like we’re imposters on some level. Yay for you for getting up there anyway!
LikeLike
I’ve read a handful of times in front of folks. It’s funny, it always makes me nervous, even if i’m confident in my material. Even when we did drama class, reading someone else’s stuff. I’m with you there, Sarah. But the reward. You read and every eye is on you. You win acclaim and respect for your work, (and I know you would).
LikeLike
YAY! Congrats on conquering that fear. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, Sarah, thank you so much for this! I have my first reading on 10th May – it’s only a little poem at the launch of an Emma Press anthology, but I’m scared already! I shouldn’t worry, after performing as an English, media studies and drama teacher for years, but as I get older I seem to be more fearful and less inclined to leave the house. So very well done for flying free and, once again, thank you”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, good luck. I’m sure you’ll be great. I was lucky not to have too long to worry about it – only 4 or 5 days, so I do really feel for you…but your poems are lovely and I’m sure you’ll enjoy the reception they get. It’s funny – I often read poems aloud when I’m reading them – the sound is part of it all.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s true, Sarah, I do the same thing. I have recorded some of my poems on the laptop but I hate the sound of my voice.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I read other people’s out loud, too – if I’m running through Mr Linky. So that includes you…:)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wonderful, Sarah! I’m glad you dared to write and read of rooks 😀
LikeLike