December 2 – Pantomime

Crash, bang, show us what you’ve got –
Make us laugh and make us sigh –
Stip, step, flash a bit of leg –
Hit us in the face with a custard pie!

It’s behind you!

All your tales are rags to riches,
Handsome prince just happens by,
Boys are girls in velvet britches,
Pretty maidens catch the eye!

Crash, bang, show us what you’ve got –
Make us laugh and make us sigh –
Stip, step, flash a bit of leg –
Hit us in the face with a custard pie!

Oh, no you didn’t!

If you sprinkle it with sequins
We will think it’s fairy dust –
Rhinestone crowns and nylon dresses,
All of it so glamorous!

Crash, bang, show us what you’ve got –
Make us laugh and make us sigh –
Stip, step, flash a bit of leg –
Hit us in the face with a custard pie!

Oh yes, you did!

Evil barons spreading rumours,
Children sing and dance along,
Burly dame in naughty bloomers,
Happy ending with a song!

Crash, bang, show us what you’ve got –
Make us laugh and make us sigh –
Stip, step, flash a bit of leg –
Hit us in the face with a custard pie!

Ah, the pantomime! Probably the first experience of theatre for most British kids, at any rate. It’s brash, it’s bold, it’s cheesy. Traditional stories stretched an pummeled to include a cross-dressing dame, a slapstick routine, and an all singing, all dancing finale. When I was a child the Principal Boy was a girl in tights – a throwback to the Victorian age, and an excuse to ogle a pretty girl’s legs. Nowadays it’s more likely to be a young soap star or a very minor pop singer.

It’s behind you!

9 thoughts on “December 2 – Pantomime

  1. It’s not something that’s widespread here in the U.S. There’s one theater in my general area that does a Christmas pantomime show every year, but we’ve never been. But it does sound like cheesy fun. 🙂

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  2. I haven’t been to a panto in years, Sarah, but can remember going with my nan – she loved all that sort of thing. I think the last one I went to was when daughter Ellen was about six at Wimbledon Theatre, but I remember the slapstick, the noise and laughter, the cheesy songs and gags. It’s a very British thing, part of our heritage and not very PC! One thing I do remember is being pushed up on stage by my nan to win a prize in a quiz between acts. I was blinded by the lights and muted by the crowd. ;).

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