Eggs – Pantoum II for dVerse

I hold you up to see the eggs,
five of them, blue as April sky.
You cling on with your toddler legs,
observing them so solemnly.

Five of them, blue as April sky,
each one a fragile, freckled womb;
observing them so solemnly,
we hope that they will make it through –

each one a fragile, freckled womb,
holding an ugly, hairless thing.
we hope that they will make it through,
and in July, we’ll hear them sing.

Holding an ugly, hairless thing,
in need of food, and warmth, and love,
and in July we’ll hear them sing
of earth below, and sky above.

In need of food, and warmth, and love,
I watch you grow and learn new things
of earth below, and sky above,
and start to spread your fledgling wings.

I watch you grow and learn new things;
you cling on with your toddler legs,
and start to spread your fledgling wings:
I hold you up, to see the eggs.

My second pantoum for the dVerse form exploration, hosted this month by Gina. I have a love-hate relationship with pantoums. One day I will write the perfect pantoum, and then I WILL NEVER WRITE ONE AGAIN. It’s really hard to maintain sense and repetition, and keep it all flowing smoothly. This one comes close, I think right now, but doubtless I’ll come back to it in a couple of weeks, and shake my head over it. There are certainly a couple of continuity errors that I am hyper-aware of. However, this exploration is about growing as a poet and opening up to feedback, so I’m putting it out there. I’ve actually got less confident about it as I’ve written this explanation/justification, so I’m going to stop now.

11 thoughts on “Eggs – Pantoum II for dVerse

  1. It feels very celebratory the way the lines cycle through and all of us love to celebrate spring and everything it brings. I really enjoyed your poem and the way you’ve brought it together (even though I’m uninformed about the various poetic styles and their names).

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  2. i see a link between nature and nurture and really love this one, you may revisit it and edit or tweak but it is raw and real right as it is now. you may hate the form but it blooms under your pen.

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  3. “each one a fragile, freckled womb;” What an amazing line!
    And, oh Sarah…..being a mom and now a grandma — I absolutely love the scene you’ve described here of the toddler looking so solemnly — yes that is exactly the way she would look! And then you have the wish for her growing….from fledgling to spreading her wings (my words — but apt to what you’ve written). This entire poem (and well done within the form) has me smiling this morning!

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  4. I love this – showing the child the wonder of the eggs….”in July, we’ll hear them sing” – and then contemplating how his legs will lengthen and he will grow his own wings…………..lovely.

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  5. You’re a braver woman than I, Sarah! I too have a love-hate relationship with pantoums and !agree that it’s hard to maintain sense and repetition, and keep it all flowing smoothly. But this one is so gorgeous and spring fresh! I’ve fallen in love with the toddler legs and the eggs blue as April sky, ‘each one a fragile, freckled womb’ – even the ugly, hairless things! The final stanzas rang true with me, although I won’t be doing this with Lucas for a little while yet as he will be one tomorrow.

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  6. I think this is a very good use of the Pantoum as the ending brings us back to being held up to see the eggs. Very different mood to the rook one and your Rubaiyat was quite dark. This one is literally as well as emotionally uplifting!

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