Rooks – pantoum for dVerse

I watched a crowd of rooks fly by –
“They’re on the search for food”, I said –
black cut-outs on a paper sky,
we see them, and we think of death.

“They’re on the search for food”, I said,
a cheerful democratic crew,
we see them, and we think of death;
they make me think of people, too.

A cheerful democratic crew,
leaders and stragglers make their way –
they make me think of people, too,
out shopping on a winter’s day.

Leaders and stragglers make their way,
black cut-outs on a paper sky.
Out shopping on a winter’s day,
I watched a crowd of rooks fly by.

Gina is hosting at dVerse tonight, and we continue our exploration of forms. Gina brings us the pantoum – she’s given a really good description of it, if you want to read more. Basically it’s a series of interlocking, repeating couplets.

If you are an avid reader, you might notice that I have taken the start of this from my rubaiyat of a couple of weeks ago. I thought it would be interesting to contrast the forms directly. You can read it here https://fmmewritespoems.wordpress.com/2019/02/01/winter-rooks-rubaiyat-for-dverse/

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “Rooks – pantoum for dVerse

  1. I had to go back to read your rubaiyat. How interesting to take the lines from that one to use in this one–and to make a poem that shares elements, but seems different in tone.
    I don’t know if I’ve seen rooks, but crows seem “human-like” (if that’s not an insult to them)–and I could imagine them as shoppers, looking for a bit of good road-kill. 😉

    Like

  2. i vaguely recalled so i went back to read, i prefer this form, the repetitions and interlocking lines have greater depth – love this line the most – “a cheerful democratic crew,”

    Like

  3. You had me with the line “black cut-outs on a paper sky.” What a PERFECT way to describe this flock of rooks. Well done…and especially within the form!

    Like

  4. Please excuse the delay in reading and commenting, Sarah, but I’ve been staying with my daughter and grandson while her husband has been away and little Lucas hasn’t been at all well. We ended up in A&E on Sunday and I would have liked to have stayed longer but her husband came back yesterday and so I’m home again and trying hard to catch up so I can join in poetics this evening.
    I enjoyed the original Rubaiyat but I think you’ve made the rooks fly in this Pantoum. I especially love the ‘black cut-outs on a paper sky’ and the way you flipped
    ‘they make me think of people, too,
    out shopping on a winter’s day’
    to
    ‘Out shopping on a winter’s day,
    I watched a crowd of rooks fly by’.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s