Sarah and Gina’s pantoum

The ocean here is cold, and fierce, and grey

The shore you walk is many miles away

Gina is leading us through the pantoum this month. DVerse is looking at different forms – we’ve had the sonnet, the rubaiyat, and now the pantoum. Go over to her original post for a really good description.

When I was reading Gina’s post, this caught my eye:
In Malaysia, my home country, the pantun is still very popular at weddings where the older relatives from both sides of the bridal party will exchange love “pantun” blessing the newlyweds a blissful first night together and a long happy marriage.

What an amazing idea – I would love to have had that at my wedding! Though I’m not sure what the in-laws would have come up with…

Anyhow, I wondered if we could do something similar online, so these lines are the A and C lines of the first verse of Sarah and Gina’s joint pantoum. We’ll add to it in the comments, and see how it goes!

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20 thoughts on “Sarah and Gina’s pantoum

  1. some of the pantun thrown back and forth could get quite colourful Sarah!

    thank you for starting this. I am really excited to do do this with you renga style!

    am on the poetry trail reading all the recent contributions and will write my lines soon in reply to yours here. a very good start!

    what an awesome idea!!

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  2. The ocean here is cold, and fierce, and grey
    The shore you walk is many miles away
    the waves create an imprint on the sand
    ripples connecting our earth end to end

    ok here goes mine! i am sure we will doing lots of edits but thrilled to see how our lines will interlock.

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    • gosh i just pasted that wrong

      here is the right one:

      “The ocean here is cold, and fierce, and grey
      the waves create an imprint on the sand
      The shore you walk is many miles away
      ripples connecting our earth end to end”

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      • The waves create an imprint in the sand
        My footprints mark the way that I have come
        Ripples connecting our earth end to end
        One ocean glimmering beneath one sun

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      • My footprints mark the way that I have come
        The path ahead is long and yet unknown
        One ocean glimmering beneath one sun
        I see other footprints, I know am not alone

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      • The path ahead is long and yet unknown
        I wait for stars to shine and as I wait
        I see other footprints. I know I’m not alone,
        Yet I’m afraid to follow, I hesitate

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      • I wait for stars to shine and as I wait
        the shore you walk is many miles away
        Yet I’m afraid to follow, I hesitate
        The ocean here is cold, and fierce, and grey

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      • my pleasure Sarah! you gave that final wrap up, which was brilliant, the lines just connected. thank you for writing it all up, i am excited to see it published, and waiting to reblog it! nice work! i enjoyed it very much!

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      • I meant the last couplet looked a bit tricky – and then you spotted that it worked so well! Thank you for doing this with me, I really enjoyed it, and I think I learned a lot about how the pantoum works as a form. I’ve put it up as a separate post, and linked it up to Mr Linky.

        Liked by 1 person

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