I’ve considered the shade of your lips
as they fade from rose-red to bone-white
and reached for your cold finger tips
in the depths of the shuddering night
I have cried, I have screamed, I have wept,
I have watched for the pale light of dawn,
I have dreamed that you lay there and slept,
I have woken and found you were gone
I have heard the cold song your blood sings
on wild nights, when the moon rides the clouds
and a blade is a beautiful thing
when you choose from a veil or a shroud
I have curled in a ball on the ground
I have stretched from the earth to the sky
I have searched, but I never have found,
I have lived, but I never can die.
Lucy is a guest host at dVerse tonight, and asks us to write a dark ballad.
Oh to be immortal and have to choose between watching a loved one die or dooming them to a similar fate.
“a blade is a beautiful thing
when you choose from a veil or a shroud”
Haunting ballad!
LikeLike
Thanks, Lisa. It all got a bit gothick, but it was lots of fun!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my aching heart this is evocative. Such strong use of language and imagery, Sarah! Unforgettable write. 💝
LikeLike
This is so heartbreaking and tragic, Sarah! This stanza really encompasses the grief that the narrator feels:
“I have cried, I have screamed, I have wept,
I have watched for the pale light of dawn,
I have dreamed that you lay there and slept,
I have woken and found you were gone”
Devastating. The last couple lines changed this poem entirely, and like Lisa said, the choice is not clear whether to live forever with your love or having them live forever but suffer with watching all those around them die. That is so haunting. Such a fantastic piece from start to finish!
LikeLike
This is absolutely stunning Sarah. I am in awe of your craftsmanship 👏
LikeLike
it seems she has seen a lot and has suffered many losses. As a reader I wonder about her own mortality.
LikeLike
Such a deep emotional write, from the title to the despair of loss. I love the perspective of the immortal, weeping with grief from a deep loss.
LikeLike
Heartbreaking and familiar..Well done.
LikeLike
Lovely pacing – and the refrain of “I have…’ has the poet flailing about looking for answers and in the last reaching that awful conclusion. Gothic indeed.
LikeLike
This is so sad and poignant – and touches the heart!
LikeLike
Your ballad is so deeply touching, Sarah, and beautifully written. The opening lines are delicate, I love the use of colour and those ‘cold finger tips in the depths of the shuddering night’, which hooked me immediately, and then I almost drowned in the raw emotion of the second stanza. You’ve also described haunting wonderfully in ‘I have heard the cold song your blood sings / on wild nights’ and how tragic to have lived but never die.
LikeLike
I know you describe this as ‘camp’ but isn’t a ballad meant to be a song, to deal with a story we can relate to, in a rather formulaic setting? This is a good one, seems to me, with rhythm, rhyme, and an original twist on a familiar story.
LikeLike
I suppose you’re right. Thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Such a persistent search Sarah the piece carried me right through to the end I never lost the thread of the read from that standpoint I found it very engaging good read.
LikeLike
Thanks Rob.
LikeLike
That’s a chilling tale, well suited to the exaggerated drama of the ballad. (K)
LikeLike
The repetition makes this feel like an eternal quest. Even that concept is enough to rattle a person
LikeLike
An endless night of grief – you carry us along on this road with the rhythm and rhyme like a well-oiled carriage, Sarah. Simply brilliant.
LikeLike
Those who never can die must endure this over again with each succeeding generation
LikeLike
This is wonderful, tragic, and just begs to be sung… the repetition works as a refrain, and I can really see this set to music. I like how it can be interpreted in many ways, with the twist, in the end, making me think of a vampire myth,
LikeLike
Immortal grief–more sad and poignant than dark, I think. I also thought of a vampire. The repetition is very effective.
LikeLike
I found it hard to go dark. I found it a tricky prompt all round, actually.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sara, the beautiful rhythm and rhyme contrast nicely with the dark theme. ❤ All the best! Cheryl
LikeLike