Day 13: Christmas Cheer

Your cell phone rings
but you’re not listening
because you left it
in The Fox and Vixen
behind the cistern
in the last stall on the left
next to the condom machine
and now it’s 4 am
your wife sleeps soundly beside you,
in the corner of the room
your hangover squats
sorting a tray of instruments.

It all began with a few beers,
some Christmas Cheer
so how did it get
from there to here?

Slowly you remember or think you remember….

Did you really poke your boss in the chest
and tell him that you know better
that you know best?

Did you really down three shots of scotch
grab Mark from marketing by the shoulders
and proclaim “I love you bro”
over and over ‘till he begged you to stop
to let go?

And why, why, why
did you call that shy Dutch girl from accounting
“sad-eyed lady of the lowlands”
again, over and over?

You groan inwardly
you groan outwardly

and just when you think
it could not get worse
your hangover stands up
and crosses the room
carrying what appears to be
a small mallet
Zooooosh,
he enters your head
and proceeds to knock on the inside of your skull
with that same mallet
all the time chanting this manic mantra
deck the halls with human folly
Fa la la la la, la la la la

Four hours later your wife is shaking you
Up you get, she chimes
It’s time to do some Christmas shopping!
Joe Fresh opens at 9!

Jim Feeney
Jim was born in Dublin and currently lives in Vancouver. He has published in Cyphers (Ireland), The sHop (Ireland), In-Flight Literary Magazine, Oddball Magazine, the Galway Review, Anti Heroin Chic, The Basil O’Flaherty, Rat’s Ass Review and others.
He also writes lyrics for The Mitchell Feeney Project (album “Crossing Lines” available on iTunes, Apple Music and cdbaby)
He blogs at https://stopdraggingthepanda.com.

This year I’ve particularly enjoyed Jim’s “Lads” project. As you can see, he’s on a mission to write poems about the things that don’t get written about in poems.

19 thoughts on “Day 13: Christmas Cheer

  1. Pingback: The Ghost of Hangovers Past | Stopdraggingthepanda

  2. Jim’s poetry always makes me smile! I chuckled at the opening lines of this blokey poem, with its special form of Christmas cheer. His ghost of Christmas present is a hangover that ‘squats sorting a tray of instruments’. I got some remnants of memories of those awful office Christmas parties that I was pushed into attending – I think I know the guy in the poem. I laughed out loud at ‘deck the halls with human folly’!

    Like

  3. Hahahahahaha: the perils of the Christmas party! My favourite stanza:
    ‘And why, why, why
    did you call that shy Dutch girl from accounting
    “sad-eyed lady of the lowlands”
    again, over and over?’
    This makes me glad I don’t drink anymore 😂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Jim, I so enjoyed this, and love poems about the things that dont get written about in poems. My friend Fireblossom, Shay Simmons is a master of the art. The first poem i read of hers had a porch-sitter throwing a dead chipmunk through the open window of a passing pickup. Showed me the scope of poetry can be as wide as we want to take it. You have captured the Christmas party to perfection. Had to grin at his penance next morning….shopping!

    Liked by 1 person

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