It’s raining

You’re slipping through this grey world,
as an eel might glide through kelp,
sinuous, friction-free. You’re moving,
I am still. Still here, still waiting.
Rain beads the window. I’ve no view,
only the misted glass, the empty
platform. I wonder where you are.

You move towards me, cutting
a path through nameless towns.
The world mutates around you –
fleeting images – an empty trampoline,
a washing line, a field of flowers –
freighted with meaning, vanished
in a moment. Me, I’m still.
My coffee’s steaming, softening
a world of plastic seats, bright, bitter orange,
scuffed grey floor, and sugar sachets,
split and spilling baby diamonds
across the table top. It’s raining,
and I’m sheltering and wondering.

You’re movement. A cadenza.
I’m a pause.

I’m the host at dVerse tonight. I’m asking you to have a conversation with a poem, write a response to a poem that has touched you in some way. This is my response to Laura Bloomsbury’s poem In The Rain . I loved the sense of movement in this poem, and the unresolved anticipation. I always enjoy Laura’s use of enjambment. I actually hadn’t realised until I went back to the original that I had mirrored the ending so effectively.

There are lots more poets and poems to view at dVerse. Check it out. Have your own conversation with a poem.

22 thoughts on “It’s raining

  1. I love the contrast of movement and stillness, and that pause at the end. this is my favorite part:

    The world mutates around you –
    fleeting images – an empty trampoline,
    a washing line, a field of flowers –
    freighted with meaning, vanished
    in a moment. Me, I’m still.

    Like

  2. This is exquisitely drawn, Sarah! 💝 The poem in its entirety envelops the reader with palpable images especially; “My coffee’s steaming, softening a world of plastic seats, bright, bitter orange, scuffed grey floor, and sugar sachets, split and spilling baby diamonds
    across the table top.” Wow!! 🙂

    Like

  3. These two such a lovely complement to each other. I like the first part so much:
    “You’re slipping through this grey world,
    as an eel might glide through kelp,
    sinuous, friction-free. You’re moving,
    I am still. Still here, still waiting.”

    Like

  4. This is wonderful Sarah! Those last two lines most especially….and these words especially resonated with me in terms of adding concrete details so I could picture it all:
    “fleeting images – an empty trampoline,
    a washing line, a field of flowers –
    freighted with meaning”
    Well done…and thanks for the great prompt!

    Like

  5. The fleeting images took me on a train to somewhere, the images rapidly passing by the window. Elsewise, lovely descriptive writing, Lillian!

    Like

  6. You’ve made waiting a dreamy steamy joy. Your final lines are killer. Your wordsmanship is clever ,and catchy. I loved the challenge you gave us, although it exhausted me. A far out prompt, for sure.

    Like

  7. This poem is both one half of a conversation and one part of a dance – it answers Laura’s poem so well. I loved them both, the rich imagery, the enjambment and that poignant, unresolved ending.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The imagery in this poem is perfect, especially in the lines:
    ‘You’re slipping through this grey world,
    as an eel might glide through kelp,
    sinuous, friction-free.’
    I love the contrast of stillness and movement, the train moving through the rain, and the speaker waiting, looking at the rain, the misted glass and the empty platform, imagining what the other person can see through their window – the glimpses of ‘an empty trampoline, a washing line, a field of flowers’ are so evocative of a train journey – and the play on words ‘freighted with meaning’. The shift from imagination to reality is sudden, like a jolt, with the ‘world of plastic seats, bright, bitter orange’, as if someone turned on a light. And then that short, bittersweet ending! A stunning poem, Sarah!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Pingback: Winter light – Jane Dougherty Writes

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