This is a pantoum for Jane Dougherty’s prompt on pebbles. It’s not a form I’ve come across before, and it’s a bit tricky, but I’m sure it’s good for me. Here goes:
I’m thinking now of all the time we spent,
Heads together,with the wild gulls crying,
Carefully choosing – some stayed, and some went –
And all the while, the sea sighing.
Heads together, with the wild gulls crying,
We chose one if it gave us pleasure,
And all the while, the sea sighing,
As we amassed our glittering treasure
We chose one if it gave us pleasure
We brought it home, a fragment of our past,
As we amassed our glittering treasure:
A twisting shell, a sea-worn piece of glass.
We brought it home, a fragment of our past,
When you were young, and muddy, and ran wild
A twisting shell, a sea-worn piece of glass,
A stick, a stone, all treasure to a child
When you were young, and muddy, and ran wild
Carefully choosing – some stayed and some went –
A stick, a stone, all treasure to a child:
I’m thinking now of all the time we spent.
It’s lovely! And doesn’t show the sweat at all. Sweetly melancholic 🙂
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My boy is growing out of sticks and stones – I kind of miss those days. He’s lovely now, of course, but those early years are so special.
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It’s my own sticks and stones I remember. The children had their own games and their own company. We parents let them get on with it.
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A Pantoum can sometimes be a hard form, with all the, “Wait, how can this line fit and make sense in these two stanzas?” It is nice to see someone use it though.
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The flow on this is wonderful. I’ve had the sea on my brain anyway…a reinforcement. (K)
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Thank you. I struggled with this, but I think it came out OK in the end.
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More than OK! I’m feeling daunted by the form, but I’ve done it before…
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Go for it! If I can do it, you certainly can!
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This is my favorite line:
A twisting shell, a sea-worn piece of glass.
I also love the image of the heads bent together, looking, choosing.
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Thank you, I kind of miss those days…
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Pingback: Poetry challenge Pebbles: the entries – Jane Dougherty Writes
Beautiful thoughts from a time long ago. It is nice to be able to write it down with such talent. :o)
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Thank you, I’m so glad you enjoyed it. It is really challenging writing to such a structured form.
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This is beautiful. It’s sort of bittersweet, looking back, but also remembering fondly. I love the sea sighing, sort of echoing or reinforcing the poet’s feelings.
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Thank you, yes, I love my boy growing up, but I kind of miss those days when choosing the right stone was the most important thing we did that day, and the house was full of sticks and pebbles…
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