Let us tread softly, shadows glide
Between the trees; I’m by your side –
Our fingers brush, then move apart:
We’re waiting for our life to start.
We left the smoky, crowded bars
And said we’d look for shooting stars:
Across the sky – a flaming dart!
We’re waiting for our life to start.
I don’t believe you know my name,
Or what I want, or why I came.
You keep my secrets in your heart.
We’re waiting for our life to start.
We don’t know where this road will go,
But we will walk it, even so;
We have no map, no guide, no chart:
We’re waiting for our life to start.
I have to thank Jane Dougherty for another beguiling prompt. I hope I’ve done it justice. The kyrielle is a very structured form, and I struggle to make these sound natural.
Love it! A real coming of age poem 🙂
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Hmm. I think when I’m writing to a form I get a bit hung up on the structure, and it all gets a bit Dr Seuss-y. It probably means it’s something I need to do more of.
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I find it hard to break out of a ‘ditty’ rhythm once I’ve got into one. It’s best to stop and start again when that happens.
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Well done.
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Thank you. I need to work on my structured verse. I get inhibited by the form. I’d like to write stuff wher you don’t notice there IS a form, it just flows naturally…
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Nicely done. I really like how your first line flows over the break, making for a softer landing on the rhyming words. Both the image (“shadows glide/Between”) and the phrasing are fluid.
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Thank you. I wish I could have done more of that! I got a bit hung up on the form, and it all got a bit tumpty tumpty. And I ran out of usable rhymes for “start”! Still if I could write how I wanted to write I probably wouldn’t need to write…
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Oh, I feel your pain with rhymes! But the exploration is what it’s about. 🙂
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I love your chosen refrain, and there’s an innocence and hopefuless in this poem that really touches me. Blessings, H xxx
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Thank you. I was trying to catch the feeling of possibility, glad you liked it.
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Pingback: Poetry challenge: Dreaming trees – Jane Dougherty Writes
Seems we are always waiting…(K)
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Lovely poem–I especially like the flow of the first stanza.
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